Before G was born, I falsely assumed that she would be more fond of Steve than me. Once she was born, I gave her every opportunity to bond with him. From the beginning, he was on duty most nights and took her out on his own during the day. Though I try not to use labels, I assumed G was going to be a “Daddy’s Girl”.
Much to my surprise, she wants nothing to do with him. At least, at this stage of her life.
I feel honored when she takes the bottle from Steve’s hand and gives it to me so I am the one who feeds her. My heart swells when she reaches for me, rushes to me, wants only me. I try to stifle my smile so as not to hurt Steve’s feelings when she pushes him away and fast-toddles into my arms.
I hope she and I have this close connection forever.
Because I don’t have a close relationship with my mother, I find myself thinking of people I know who have a special bond with theirs. How did they do it? How do I do the same with mine? How do I become the person she can call, no matter what? How do I not screw it up?
For now, I’m doing my best to simply be there for her - as much as I can. She is my second, but no longer my second choice. I love her just as much as her big brother but the love is different. Just as I love every person in my life differently. She is her own being. One I am loving getting to know.
