While pregnant with Bub in Berkeley, I stopped by a Little Free Library on my way back from the park with Buddha. In it were a handful of breastfeeding and parenting books. I thought I had struck gold, only to bring them home to find that the books were oooooold. Not “old” in a good way when it comes to books, like finding the first edition of The Bell Jar or many leather-bound books in a vintage store. Books like The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League, Brain Rules by John Medina, The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, and Teach Your Child How to Think by Edward de Bono. I quickly realized why these books might be in the Little Free Library box. Some of them read like boring textbooks. Others, I felt, had a patronizing tone. That’s not to say these books haven’t helped parents or promote false information. But for me, these books fueled my anxiety and this fear that if I wasn’t breastfeeding or parenting according to these books, then I was failing.
There were, however, a handful of books I wish I had read before becoming a parent. In a vast sea of parenting books that date back to the Bible, I’m glad I found these outliers that made me feel less alone and my anxieties feel more normal. They gave me important data points that I often use to remind myself that Bub is going to be just fine.
5 Parenting Books for the anxious mom:
Cribsheet by Emily Oster
I read this book in the early days of having a newborn and instantly felt my stress levels lower (if even momentarily). She was the first to provide my anxious mind with actual data to help me relax, whether it was about giving my baby formula, sleep training, or co-sleeping. She breaks down several other myths too about pregnancy and caring for babies - Oster is a national treasure.
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids by Lindsay Powers
Powers’ book is a nice follow-up to Cribsheet because she talks about the same topics Oster does, except with more frankness and humor. She reenforces the fact that we’re all doing our best when it comes to our kids and guess what, they’ll be fine.
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
This book conditioned me to be more comfortable with the word “fail” and taught me that failure is actually a very good thing.
I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids by Lori Borgman
Borgman is hilarious right from the start. Her motherhood journey makes me feel better about where I’m currently at with raising a little and optimistic about what’s to come. She makes me feel less sentimental about my toddler entering school and actually excited about having a kid someday who might clean the kitchen when I’m out-of-town.
Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski
This book isn’t for moms, per se, though it is extremely relatable to any parent experiencing burnout (ahem, all of us). Burnout reads like a big, 20-second hug from a loved one who truly cares about you. The Nagoski sisters have a way of presenting heavy information that made me feel lighter. One of the most important things this book taught me was how to let go of stress.
There are other books, such as Simplicity Parenting, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, and The Conscious Parent, in which I gravitated towards their concepts. But, they didn’t necessarily quell any of my anxieties.
I hope these five books provide a sense of peace for you like they did for me.
