I didn’t think weekends like this were possible given my anxiety. Weekends where I could go with the flow, enjoy the present, and make beautiful memories with my family. Weekends without panic attacks or debating with Steve on which decision is best for Bubba.
Weekends are meant for adventure. They’re meant to celebrate the end of a work week. I missed what weekends used to mean for me: enjoying the outdoors, going out to eat, and staying up late watching movies. After having Bub, weekends became more of the same - an extension of my work week because every day with Bub was work.
Now that he’s a little older and adaptable and more importantly, now that my mental state is in a stronger place, I want my weekends back - for exploring new places and trying new foods. Two things I never thought I’d be brave enough to do with Bub while he was young.
Last week, I realized I needed something to look forward to each weekend - a day trip somewhere new. We’ve gotten into a monotonous rhythm of going to work, going to the same parks, making dinner, going to bed, and doing it all over again. I also thought it might be fun for Steve to have a “Yes Day”, an entire day where he gets to make all the decisions and I just tag along.
I make most of the decisions for our family because 1) I have anxiety, 2) I have strong opinions and 3) sometimes it’s just easier for Steve to go along with my flow than to fight me on every turn. It must be hard for him to always be thinking about keeping my triggers at bay, so that I may have one less panic attack during the day.
Turns out, “Yes Day” was a huge success. We had a beautiful Saturday in Lakeside, MI, where Steve wanted to spend the day. The weather was gorgeous, the water was warm, and the crowds were not too bad. And to my word, I went with the flow. Sure, triggers popped up occasionally but I told myself that it was “all good”. My new mantra to remind myself that everything - good or bad - is ultimately a good learning.
And when I go with the flow, the world seems to flow with me.
I let Bub have a cinnamon roll for breakfast, which he tried to devour like a dog.
“Come on, Mom. Follow me.”
He found some rocks that he wanted to put in my pocket to throw into the water later.
Three big rocks in each pocket
Building sand castles
Lakeside, MI is Steve’s happy place. I can see why.